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This story first appeared on aufkapselnz.com

Katie Gray had “it all”.

She was a high profile partner in a prestigious law firm in Singapore and had reached dizzying heights in her profession. At the same time, she and her husband and family had been on three maternity leave and three international moves.

Delivered

Katie Gray’s new career has finally given her the life balance she longed for.

It’s the stuff dreams are made of, but instead, she suffered complete burnout.

“I’ve never really dreamed of being a partner, but when the opportunity arose there was an almost reverse gender component. There were a lot of men and we need more women in these positions, so there was almost that pressure, ”she says.

“I felt like my mission was here, ‘Oh, if I can get this working with two lawyers in my family – he’s a lawyer too – then I can show that it all works and I can do anything. That really drove me. “

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“I wasn’t that into upstream oil and gas! It was a passion for me to be a role model. “

With a demanding job under high pressure and three children under the age of 4, Gray struggled for years in search of the mythological “balance” without success.

“I was able to balance two things – home and work. But what I realize now is that it’s not about balancing those two things. Life is supposed to be a three-pronged thing – wellbeing is the third element that holds everything together, and I didn’t have any.

“When I wasn’t with the family, I worked and vice versa. I barely slept. And then criticism or criticism tend to penetrate more. “

Sydney Sims / Unsplash

With a demanding job under high pressure and three children under the age of 4, Gray struggled for years in search of the mythological “balance” without success. (Stock Photo)

She knew things weren’t quite right, Gray didn’t even know what to call what she was going through burnout. Usually a positive person, she was lethargic, pessimistic and, in her words, “acting quite strange”.

“I went to my office, closed the door and just pulled back. I would try to hide and it wasn’t me. And because I only had two parts of my life, it really permeated everything. “

Eventually, Gray realized that her lifestyle was no longer sustainable and quit her high-level job to work on her true passion of helping and coaching others, including advising women on how to deal with burnout, after receiving similar advice and advice had received.

So how do you know you’re burned out?

“It can be difficult sometimes,” she says. “But start ticking this list off: Are you exhausted? Is cynicism creeping in? Are you not as effective as you used to be? Do you feel like withdrawing from the world? “

Hernan Sanchez / Unsplash

Research says there are five main reasons we feel burned out at work. (File photo)

According to a study by the US management consultancy and analysis firm Gallup, there are five main causes of burnout in the workplace:

Unfair treatment in the workplace

Those who feel they have been treated unfairly are twice as likely to be burned out, and the complaints can be bias, preference, and abuse.

Unmanageable workload

To much to do? You have twice the risk of burnout.

However, the way people experience their workload has a huge impact. Employees who are dedicated but flexible tend to work more hours but report greater wellbeing than those whose work feels tedious, difficult to complete, or endless.

Unclear communication from executives

When bosses don’t tell you what it takes, life quickly becomes difficult and frustrating. Employees must regularly discuss responsibilities, performance goals, and priorities.

Lack of support from the manager

It can be difficult when you are alone and don’t know what to do or when you are not supported in your work.

Employees who state that they are supported by their superiors have a 70 percent lower risk of suffering burnout on a regular basis.

Unreasonable time pressure

Employers are also 70 percent less likely to experience regular burnout if they have enough time to get their work done.

“I really like these five, to sum it up, because I identify with all of them,” says Gray, “and I have an emotional connection with them.

“Burnout isn’t just about working long hours – when all of this, or even some of them, happens, it can lead to this cynicism.”

So what can an employee do against burnout – especially if the cause is the employer?

“From an organizational point of view, research shows that it is not a personal weakness – these are all systemic things. This can be at home, in society, and at work. It’s not an ‘I can’t hack it’ thing, ”says Gray.

“But for me personally, the most helpful thing people can do is understand stress better.

“When the issue of stress comes up, organizations will replace the cookie jar with fruit or give out gym memberships, but not on stress and how people can cope better with it.

“Stress lives in the body – people think it’s in their head, but it’s in your body and hanging around even after the stress is over. You’re meeting a deadline, the stress is still there, so you need to let go of your stress cycle.

“In the book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, authors Emily and Amelia Nagoski identify six ways to do this – physical activity, breathing, positive social interaction, laughter, affection, crying, and creative expression.”

She quit her job for Gray and started her own professional development company, Principals of Practice. She says she finally found the balance she wanted.

“I really enjoy working in the area I’m passionate about,” she says. “If I have something to say to other women, it is so important that you look after your well-being, it is your right as a person. Taking care of yourself is part of your role. “